When I first started this account I was just starting my 8th year of school and weighed 112 pounds and was 5’6 (technically 13lbs underweight for my age/body shape) and I constantly received anonymous messages telling that I was fat and disgusting. People I have never met would take minutes out of their lives just to make me feel bad about myself, to tell me that I was over weight.
At first I ignored it but after the first year I stated to see myself differently. I would suck in when I looked at myself in the mirror and would pinch the skin on my stomach and legs, imagining what it would be like to be thinner. I began to eat less in hopes to get a flat stomach and a bigger ‘thigh gap’ and when that did not work fast enough I stopped eating. I would go days at a time with out so much as a glass of water because I hated what I looked like.
By them time I started high school I was 96 pounds but I still was still not happy with myself. Even when I was 29 pounds less than what I should have weighed, people would still tell me I was fat. I to this day do not know what I did to make them say those cruel things to me, but I know that they strongly affected me. I continued to lose weight and was down to 89lbs when I started to constantly feel dizzy and fainted on a regular basis. That’s when I was forced to visit the hospital weekly for blood tests, measurements and weigh ins.
I took me almost a year and a half to reach a safe weight. I was never officially diagnosed with an eating disorder but they treated me like I had one. Though I am healthy and fine now, I still have extremely low self esteem. I eat everyday, but I still have to force myself to do it. Not a day goes by where I don’t hate what I see in the mirror all because of people who hid behind their computers who felt it was necessary to make me feel worthless. But I am getting better, it is going to take a long time but I will get recovered.